used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
