Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
