i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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