Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
