after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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