butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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