Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish you could order shots online.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
