I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
