Do you still have your period?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
