It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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