dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sober January is a disaster.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
