i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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