***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
