Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
