Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
