i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
