Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
