Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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