um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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