I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
