You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
