He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
