Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
