Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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