my phone needs a breathalizer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
