its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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