Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
