i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
