I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
