uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
