A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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