we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I checked into jail on foursquare
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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