I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
