Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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