dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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