Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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