RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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