im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize