hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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