I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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