So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
