What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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