I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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