i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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