He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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