matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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