Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
