I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize