Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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