Porn is love you can see.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize