she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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