Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found your dick twin last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
