people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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