During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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