I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
