he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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