kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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