She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
