He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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