Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
