Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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