new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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